Gossip
Sandra (not her real name) looked around her. Something was n
ot right. The friends she usually chatted with in class seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her. She said ‘Hi’ to Olivia, only to receive a lukewarm reply which she could barely make out as a ‘Hi’.
When the bell rang for the break, Sandra approached her usual lunchmates to go to the cafeteria together, but they avoided her, ignored her casual greetings, and rushed off towards the cafeteria. Sandra was puzzled and hurt. As Vera passed her to leave the classroom, she sympathised with Sandra, saying, “They were saying that you told Ms Parker that Kelly didn’t complete her project herself.”
Sandra was stunned. Who made up that fiction? She absolutely did not say that to Ms Parker or to anyone for that matter. Later that day, Sandra tried to broach the topic with her friends, but they did not even want to have a conversation with her.
It is indeed sad when people believe everything they hear, without verifying the facts or the truth, especially from the object of the gossip. Sadder still is the fact that many people enjoy gossiping. What a vast number of relationships are broken because of gossips and their listeners’ blind belief in their words. It is clearly what the evil one enjoys seeing, and what the Lord explicitly cautions against – “A troublemaker sows strife, a talebearer divides friend from friend” (Proverbs 16:28); “And so they are steeped in all sorts of depravity … libellers, slanderers …” (Romans 1:29-30)
Gossip, libel, and slander all damage a person’s reputation, hurt the person, and break relationships. So why do people do it? And why do people believe everything they hear without checking the facts with the person in question?
In a nutshell, I believe people who like to gossip firstly are not practising Christians (even if they are baptised, they are not following Christ’s teachings). Secondly, gossips probably have a low self-esteem, hence their tendency to bad-mouth others so that they themselves appear to be ‘better’ than them. Thus, jealousy or revenge may also be triggers. A lack of self-confidence may also prompt a person to gossip to show a wealth of ‘knowledge’ about what other people are doing.
Hence a vicious cycle is created as people also tend to enjoy listening to gossip as it is often ‘juicy’ exciting news, akin to drama unfolding in a novel, movie, or television series. Sometimes, the hold that gossips have on their listeners is also tied to the need for a social circle. The listener wants to maintain the friendship with the gossip, and so does not stop him/her. Just like the gossip, the listener may have a low self-esteem and so revels in hearing anything about others that they can disapprove of. Often, such listeners enjoy gossiping themselves for the same reason.
And so the cycle seems to be never-ending, something the devil is well aware of and delights in. Perhaps if we could learn to forgive ourselves and love ourselves, we will feel better about ourselves and subsequently will not see others in a negative light. Let us change the subject if someone starts gossiping to us about somebody else. Or we could say positive things about that someone else instead. Perhaps we could remind the gossip that we do not know all the facts as we are not with the person 24/7 and can’t see into his/her heart and mind. Truly, only God knows all the facts, and hence tells us, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; because the judgements you give are the judgements you will get” (Matthew 7:1-2).
And if, like Sandra, a gossip tries to destroy our reputation by turning others against us, we have the all-powerful God of truth as our judge and defender. He knows the facts, and will protect his followers from evil – “Do not be afraid, for I am with you; stop being anxious and watchful, for I am your God. I give you strength, I bring you help, I uphold you with my victorious right hand. Yes, all those who raged against you, shall be put to shame and confusion” (Isaiah 41: 10-11).