Nurturing Children
We all want to live in a society where people treat one another with basic courtesy and respect, including civic-consciousness in the use of public amenities. Such an ideal society would be a safe and peaceful one to live in, but it is highly dependent on a factor that is often taken for granted – parenting.
The entrance of a child into this world is often a joyous and exciting occasion. Inadvertently, however, stress sets in as the child transits from infancy to the toddler stage and learns at a fast absorbing rate. From this point on, whether we parents take a ‘nature’ or ‘nurture’ approach is a crucial determinant of how our child will turn out as a teenager and then as an adult.
Most of us would believe in the need to nurture our child. A few though, would leave it to ‘nature’, giving the child freedom to choose what they want to do, either due to our intentional laisses-faire approach, or unfortunately because we do not wish or are unable to expend energy in teaching our child the appropriate speech and behaviour. Some of us are preoccupied with the stresses of earning a living and running a household, or we could have grown up in a dysfunctional family where our parents did not guide us in our growing up years. Of course, some of us who grow up without proper guidance from our parents do intentionally become better parents to our own children, to keep them from experiencing a similar lack of love and good parenting. It is to those who believe in letting their children grow up in their own respective ways, or who do not want to expend their energy into nurturing their children, that I would like to put forth the reasons why it is important to nurture our children.
Children are gifts from God, and we should treasure whatever God gives us – “Sons [children] are a bounty from Yahweh, he rewards with descendants” (Psalm 127:3). Whether the pregnancy was hoped for or not welcome, it is always a blessing when your innocent child comes running to you to welcome you home from work. All your stress just flies away then, and you feel such joy and gratitude for this blessing. In order to have this though, of course the parent must love the child first and see him/her as a blessing which will bring much joy. An abusive parent naturally would not see a happy child welcoming him/her home.
Parenting thus should always have the long term in view whenever parents consider what step to take at present. If your toddler wails because it’s time to stop playing and have his meal, should you let him carry on playing just to stop the wailing? It would be good to follow the guiding principle that if you would like to attain a certain outcome in the future, start at your child’s infancy. If you do not want your child to get what he wants by yelling or screaming, do not give in when he wails as a toddler. And be consistent through his growing up years, and you will have conditioned him to not yell but ask nicely for what he wants – “Instruct a child in the way he should go, and when he grows old he will not leave it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Children imitate whatever they see and hear in other children, adults, and the mass media. They do not know right from wrong, and would imitate their parents and follow their guidance. Thus parents have the greatest responsibility in how their children grow up, what values they internalize, and how they speak and behave, as “a child left to himself brings shame on his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). When parents put in their best efforts to teach their children the right values and behaviour such as basic courtesy and respect for others, their children will grow up to be adults who make the world a safe, peaceful and loving place.